What Lies Ahead

it kinda hurts how you get my heart racing and i cant breathe and how i cant trust what you say to me because you've lied too many times. i beat myself up over that stupid day because it was the day i let you get away and now youre an ocean apart and my raft has sunk.

Waves crash over a rocky shore
and who else but lie on this rocky shore.
I lay and lay letting the salt lick my wounds.
I'm injured from battle
a bloody war dividing sweet lovers.
These cuts and bruises and burns run as deep as beauty
skin deep.
The words, the weariness of being a fighter
dig deeper than my epithelial tissues
possibly digging into my soul
if I have one.
The ocean's bitter salts cannot reach these wounds
that sting worse than any mortal wound.
So her I lay and lay awaiting stars bright twinkle.
Waiting for darkness to set in my sights
because I know it's coming soon.
These rocky shores were once so beautiful,
but are now stained with battle red.
Maybe by the time the sun comes up
the salt will have done it's job
maybe the cool waters would have cleaned the shore.
And maybe this soldier's body will be lost to the currents,
a proper burial for a namless,
faceless,
wretched soul.

Maybe I like this sick feeling you give me
Maybe I like this anger
because at least it keeps you talking to me
At least I know you're still there.
At this point I'd do anything for you
because I know I can't and I like this drowning
It's my suicidal tendencies growing in my soul again
It always comes to this,
and nothing can stop me
One step forward punches me two more back
And these tears that burn my eyes and flesh
yeah, I like it
Maybe I like this sick feeling you give me
Maybe I like this anger
because it keeps you close to me
There's no other way

You broke my confidence before
But you brought it up
I was so high
Nothing could keep me down
But when time grew on
I stopped floating
You, the air in my lungs
Left my body cold
My confidence is shattered
All that remains is
Hopelessness
Confusion
Despair
Want and need
All the times
I'm trying to let you go
But you keep drawing me back
I don't want to hold on
Having these pieces stab into me
Over and over
I want them to fall away
Maybe then I'll have air
Maybe then I'll have confidence
Maybe someday, I'll stop breaking

damn this jealous heart.
i don't think my mind can take this.
hold this breath for me
because i cannot.
take these steps for me,
because i cannot.
erase these memories,
because i cannot.